Infertility

If you’ve already read “My Story”, you’ll know that husband and I have been dealing with infertility for the past five years due to endometriosis. Mercifully, we are able to move forward with our first round of IVF. Can you believe it worked?!

Despite the goodness of the moment we’re living in right now, I’m having a tough time shifting my mental state from consistently sad and weighed down by infertility, to letting pregnancy sink in. I still feel mentally infertile somehow! For those of you still struggling with this epic battle, you’ll probably understand that when I think about the past five years, these are some things that jump out to me:

Five years of…

adjusting expectations.

…grieving.

…battling depression.

…wondering what if I never have a biological child with Sean.

…learning I’m not anywhere near ready to think of adoption.

…learning adoption is a beautiful picture of God’s relationship with me – yet still rebelling against it.

…learning to smile through the pain.

…learning who our real friends are.

…learning how to be gracious in the face of utter insensitivity, bordering on cruelty.

…learning what not to ask a woman, man, or couple – ever.

…learning how much I love my husband.

…learning about the goodness of God in every trial.

…learning the futility of hoping in anything but the Gospel.

…learning my parental status shouldn’t define me – or anyone else.

…learning how precious the gift of empathy is.

…realizing I’m far too self-centered.

This list could go on for days.

I truly hope we’re at a point in our life when the story will finally progress. I pray we get to experience the joy of parenting a child together, and hope the same for you. Feel free to message me any time if you have a thought, question, or comment. I’d love to hear from you!

To read a more in-depth version of our journey thus far, head here for Part 1, and here for Part 2.

 

 

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